Mural

Yesterday I stood, horrified, in front of the huge expanse of white canvas that has to turn into a mural, in about fourteen days. After about fifteen minutes of whining (to self) I kicked myself in the ass and got down to work. wat I painted yesterday isn't dry yet, for some reason. I added a ton of dryer to the paint but the results were lackluster. Fuck it. I have to continue working, even at the risk of destroying what I did yesterday. I suppose if I'm going to fuck things up I might as well do it in the beginning.

Last night, after leaving the studio I went out for a drink. When I got to the bar I was a little horrified to see that the bar was packed with people in their late forties to early sixties. Their age didn't disturb me, it was the fact that, from what I could tell, most of them were single.........and looking. I suddenly had a flash-forward. Was this how I'm going to end up? Still single at 50 going out to see some lame-ass blues band, trying to get laid one last time before my semen turns to silt. It was a sobering thought.....................exactly the last thing you want to have in a bar.

The strange thing was to see the similarities between their little group dynamic and the one that usually occurs in the bar that I was at. Everybody was eyeing everyone else, in a cute nonjudgementally judgmental way. There were the annoyingly close couples who apparently would die if they broke physical contact for more than fifteen seconds, the quiet loners, the drunken whores, etc...............................if it wasn't so sad it would have been comical.

New Years eve is coming. Whoopty-fuckin'-doo! Even when I wasn't single I was never a huge fan of the evening. Like St. Patricks Day and night before Thanksgiving, it's amateur night! People, who have no business having more than two drinks, decide it's a good idea for them to have fifteen. There are few things that bother me more than a person who doesn't know their limitations. Aside from the parade of douchebags, the evening still doesn't hold that much cache' for me

Either way Happy New Year!!

Yea! Christmas is over!

The lousy holiday is fucking up my damn mural. Getting supplies together is enough of a pain in the ass without Fed-ex taking Monday off. What the fuck! What if it was insulin.....or or cocaine? I'm sure I could have gotten that shipped next day air!

Ugh! I feel trapped. I asked a few friends to write me letters of recommendation, because I said I was applying to grad school. I'm now second-guessing this decision. I have to go through it though (I hate people wasting effort on my account). The thought of going back to school makes me nauseous. It's supposed to be a good thing to have a bunch of people critiquing your work while you're doing it, but I've always found it annoying. Oh God, and theory......so much fucking art theory it makes you vomit. Writing about art, for me is a gigantic waste of time. Art is simple. Most of it has to do with sex (maybe not directly, but trust me it's in there somewhere). Getting sex. Not getting sex. Getting too much sex. Not enough sex. The (many) results of sex. Thinking about sex. I hate it when people over-complicate things.

I paint. That's what I'm supposed to do. Let other people write about it. I don't want to write some detailed explanation for everything that I did! What's the point of doing the actual work if you explain it in exhausting detail in writing. There's gotta be some mystery. I don't want to hold someone's hand while they're looking at my paintings. They have to do some work on their own!

Lazy bastards!

That's probably why art isn't as popular as other forms of "expression", people are too fucking lazy. Art is simple but it does require some effort from the viewer. Unlike movies, music, and theater where the viewer can passively sit and let the action happen around them, in art the viewer has to be an active participant. Some people might say that it's boring, but a work of art is only as boring as the person looking at it. To those people I say "Fuck off, go watch some NASCAR you douche!"

Hey, I never said that I wasn't an elitist prick.

I'm drinkin' a lot this weekend

I'm going to be away from any sort of computer for a while, so I'm going to take this time to wish the seven people who read this A VERY -------- --------------!

I'm going to have a ton of work ahead of me. I think I'm going to have to start the mural on Christmas eve or Christmas day. The more that I think of it the more nervous I get (very typical of me!) I'm trying to visualize how exactly I'm going to paint all of the space stuff that's going to be in the mural.

I'm fucked, proper fucked!

No food stamps for me!

I found out yesterday that I got the mural job that I've been hoping for. It's such a fucking relief. I was skittering into abject poverty. OK maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but I was coming close. I mean, I was seriously rationing my booze money for the week, and Daddy needs his liquid inspiration!

The strangest thing about the mural is that they picked a design that I would not have expected. I gave them around ten concepts, and there were a few that I thought for sure that they would gravitate to...........things involving food, architecture, shit like that. Go fucking figure they go with an idea that I literally pulled straight out of my ass. It's a lot more conceptual (conceptual about what? Beats the fuck outta me!). I thought it was basically filler, something to show them that I did some work and that I could essentially paint anything. The best part is that of all the ideas that they gave them it is/will be the most fun to paint. Most of it is space, distant stars, and nebulas. The bottom left will have a 8-9 foot curve of the moon's surface. As the mural moves from left to right the space/nebulas will dissolve/solidify into a curved surface that will be covered in large drops of water. All in all pretty basic stuff, which is good because they want the thing hung by January 23rd. I'll be working my ass off for the next three weeks!

Needless to say I'm in a chipper fucking mood! Ok, that sounds painfull. Let it be known that I would never fuck a wood chipper.........................no matter how many drinks I had or how hot said wood chipper was or how much she comes on to me. A man's gotta have standards!

My other work is going to have to go on hold for a while which kinda sucks (I gotta put a black cloud around everything), although not for a day or two. I'm not doing dick until I get the deposit check. I think I'll have to spend around $500 on supplies, and it's not coming out of my account.

CAR UPDATE

I got a message from another guy at CSX this morning. Why do people insist on calling me when I'm in the fucking bathroom? I don't take my phone in there out of courtesy. Maybe it's just me but I don't think someone/anyone wants to hear me trying to have a conversation while deucing out. Anyway this guy (the claims guy) will be out of the office until January 2nd.

................................my windshield saga continues.

Everybody has an opinion, but why does everyone feel the need to voice it?

This question is posed to myself as well. Trust me. I ask this question and then continue to blather on endlessly? I'm a dick too.

I've been literally bombarded over the past few days by opinions. I suppose this always happens, maybe I'm just becoming more conscious of it. Either way, I'd like everyone to SHUT THE FUCK UP!........for at least five minutes. There are few things in this world that I love more than silence. Unfortunately it seems to be in short supply. It seems that the people whose opinions truly mean the least to me are the first ones to offer them up. In my head I'm saying "My God! Thank you for giving me this kernel of wisdom. For my life has been, and would have continued to be an empty shell without it"

THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS

Bullshit!!! You oversensitive fucks! Both sides! If someone says "Merry Christmas" to you, and you're offended by this act, you are a douche! If you politely point out that you are not Catholic, or you don't celebrate Christmas.....you're still a douche! Just smile and say "thank you"! However, if you're a person who thinks that someone saying "Happy Holidays" is a communist and trying undermine your personal beliefs, you are also a douche. Maybe they have shit to do and don't have time to say "Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!". Whenever I hear "Happy Holidays" I'm taking it as an all-inclusive...Christmas and New Years. Everyone lighten up! Be happy that someone actually gives you a friendly and polite greeting.


CAR UPDATE

I got a call this morning from a very nice guy from CSX (the company that owns/runs the bridge under which my car got damaged). He told me that that they got my message, and that that he was forwarding my info to there claims department. Not to bad. I called their corporate headquarters (in Florida) yesterday and got a call back this morning. Even if the claims department tells me to go fuck myself with my busted windshield, they get points for a quick response.

I gotta get to work!

Great, an ice storm!

After enjoying temperatures below 10 degrees for the past few days we are now being treated to a swell little ice storm. Not that they are that much of a big deal, people just tend to over react or under react to them........................another couple of days of idiots on the road. For fuck sake people, how long have you lived in this town? The problem is that because of this "frozen death from the sky" I won't be meeting with the mural people until Saturday. If I do get this job (Jesus Allah Buddha I'll love you all if I get this job) I'll have less than a month to get it done. .

After careful consideration I've come to the conclusion that I probably have to break down and actually buy a computer. That's right, I've never owned one. UGH! I still fucking hate them, but it's becoming increasingly obvious that one might be a necessity, for work at least. The next logical step would then be to get a website. I have truly gone over to the darkside. Next thing you know is that I'll be mastering photshop and all those other douchebaggy programs. Personal growth suck my ass!!!!!!!!!........................and not in the good $500 an hour way!

I am lucky enough to be surrounded by a few people who really know what they're doing when it comes to computer shit. Once again I'm clueless. As worthless as I am around cars, my knowledge of computers makes me look like goddamn Mr. Fucking Goodwrench!

Fuck, I am a throwback. I probably would have been comfortable living in the 1800's except for all of the cholera outbreaks, rampant syphilis, and lack of flush toilets.

Procrastin...ah fuck it! I'll finish it later!

Shit, I can't get anything done today! My hands aren't working. For fuck sake it took me two minutes just to type these sentences! I still have around ten more designs to do for the mural. The thought of it just makes me want to take a nap. But, damn! I need this job....................desperately.

For some reason writing this shit make me fell like I'm actually accomplishing something. Fuck, I'm deluded!

CAR UPDATE:

I picked it up about twenty minutes ago. All it needed was new spark plugs. The 1991 Volvo 240 DL sedan, now with all new STARTING action! My mechanic is the best. I'm a complete douchebag with cars. Always will be. All I need now is a new windshield. Oh yeah, I forgot. On my drive home Monday night I drove under a RR viaduct and something fell off of it and cracked my windshield. What the fuck? I know now that I will probably end up dying in a car crash. I am the vehicular version of AIDS!

Screw it I'm gonna go get a gin and tonic, take an hour nap and then get my work done.........................................probably.

Fuckin' Fucky Fuck

It was around 9 degrees when I went out to start my car today. Don't get me wrong I actually love this weather, but motherfucker! My nipples became innies (yes, and hard as diamonds!) Of course my car didn't start. Had to get it towed. Rode with the driver (A good enough guy. Didn't make me feel like a wuss cuz my car didn't work. I still felt like a fucking douche!). As I write this I still don't have my car. I'll either have a frigid walk home or I'll have to beg a friend to pick me up from the studio. I hate to beg, or even ask for that matter. I need a sudden influx of cash. Any lady in need of a male escort? I can eat a peach for hours (wink wink, nudge nudge)

Mind you, I still love my car. It's the best car ever made. Ahhhh the 1991 Volvo 240 DL.

hopefully this repair will be manageable.

Got filmed again today for the stupid home show. They loved the mural (DUH!). I was, once again, a complete spastic on camera. I don't even know what I said, and I refused to see the tape afterward. Nothing, for me, will set off a bout of self-loathing more than having to see or hear the recorded version of myself. It was over quick enough though. Got a ride back to the studio from my friend who owns the house. On his way back home he got into a car accident.

I AM THE AUTOMOTIVE GRIM FUCKING REAPER!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend is OK, and the accident wasn't his fault.

I somehow started a new painting today. It's along the same lines as the mural (water on glass). It's not too big, only 3 x 8 feet.

By Thursday I need to come up with fifteen ideas for a mural at a local college. They approached another artist to do the project, and this fucking douchebag priced it at $2200!!! It's a mural that's 6 feet tall and nearly 20 feet wide for fuck sake! I don't care what your opinion on art is, that's fucking cheap! Too cheap!!! Luckily they didn't like his design, a nice view of Tuscany. Did I mention hat the mural is for the cafeteria. What a dick! Nothing makes me think "TUSCANY" more than community college cafeteria food. Again, I say, What a dick!

It's done!!

Sweet fuck, the damn thing is done. I walked out of my studio at 3:30 am tired, sore and a little buzzed. The crew from the television show wasn't able to film yesterday (THANK SWEET FUCKING CHRIST!!!). They are the most disorganized bunch o' fucks I've encountered recently.

- - - -I've noticed that I've been swearing a lot more, as of late. Fuck it!

The mural turned out great................as far as I can tell. This is good for my future painting. I've been planning a shift in my work for some time. I was getting a little too comfortable. This little mural confirms (at least a little bit) that I might be moving in the right direction. The work is going to be even simpler than it has been in the past. Quieter. People who have seen the mural in progress have said how "abstract" it is. I can see how they would say that, but they couldn't be more wrong. It's just as realistic as anything I have done in the past, but the subject matter and how I've focused on it is what's changed. I love the fact that people can't see or make out what they're looking at......even though it's sitting right in front of them.