Valentine's Day makes me think of my dead Mom
Isn't that a warm and fuzzy thought. It's true though.
A lot of people have been writing about their horrific parental relationships recently........so if this isn't the shit that ya want to read right now, no biggie.................I'm sure I'll be writing something funny soon......probably something about about my newly formed liver polyps or a crippling blood disorder that I contracted from Haitian hooker back in my fraternity days......ya know, comedy...not this maudlin bullshit.
It's coming up on her deathday (well, what do you call it?)........the 20th. It will be the 17th anniversary of her demise. I was thinking that I have now lived longer without a mom than with one. It's funny, you can take away the mama and you're still left with a mama's boy. Once again, I guess some back story is in order.................
Flashback to the 80s......big hair......stupid clothes.....and everything new seemed to be designed around neon and an isosceles triangle......................
My Mom gets diagnosed with lung cancer somewhere around my birthday (Oct. 6th). She ends up going into the hospital around Thanksgiving and is released after a while. She goes on the usual course of chemo and radiation with the usual side-effects....lotsa fun. We get a huge oxygen tank installed in our house. All in all she seems to be doing pretty well. One morning, while I'm at school I'm told that my Father has just had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. Either en route or soon after arriving in the emergency room he has his last rites read to him. Somehow he pulls through ( I swear the man will probably outlive me). While visiting him in the hospital one evening my Mother has, what I can only imagine as, a complete nervous breakdown. She is taken to another hospital and observed. My Mother is released from the hospital and a few days later so is my Father. My Mother is then admitted back into the hospital for some sort of complications of something the details are sketchy to me (mind you I was 15-16 and I was getting profoundly high on a regular basis). She was in the hospital for a few days without me visiting her. At this point I was pretty numb. Finally I decided to visit her one evening, with my father enormously pregnant sister and my brother-in-law. She ended up dying that night.
After the wakes and the funeral and all that garbage, my father plans a Florida trip for us, over Easter break. While on vacation, staying with my Aunt and Uncle, my Aunt goes into the hospital and dies.
SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
Yeah, I was a fucked up kid.............or an especially efficient killer. Is seventeen years too long to still be whining about it?
So, that's what I think of when Valentines day comes around.
Anyway, hugs n' kisses everybody!!!!!!!!
A lot of people have been writing about their horrific parental relationships recently........so if this isn't the shit that ya want to read right now, no biggie.................I'm sure I'll be writing something funny soon......probably something about about my newly formed liver polyps or a crippling blood disorder that I contracted from Haitian hooker back in my fraternity days......ya know, comedy...not this maudlin bullshit.
It's coming up on her deathday (well, what do you call it?)........the 20th. It will be the 17th anniversary of her demise. I was thinking that I have now lived longer without a mom than with one. It's funny, you can take away the mama and you're still left with a mama's boy. Once again, I guess some back story is in order.................
Flashback to the 80s......big hair......stupid clothes.....and everything new seemed to be designed around neon and an isosceles triangle......................
My Mom gets diagnosed with lung cancer somewhere around my birthday (Oct. 6th). She ends up going into the hospital around Thanksgiving and is released after a while. She goes on the usual course of chemo and radiation with the usual side-effects....lotsa fun. We get a huge oxygen tank installed in our house. All in all she seems to be doing pretty well. One morning, while I'm at school I'm told that my Father has just had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. Either en route or soon after arriving in the emergency room he has his last rites read to him. Somehow he pulls through ( I swear the man will probably outlive me). While visiting him in the hospital one evening my Mother has, what I can only imagine as, a complete nervous breakdown. She is taken to another hospital and observed. My Mother is released from the hospital and a few days later so is my Father. My Mother is then admitted back into the hospital for some sort of complications of something the details are sketchy to me (mind you I was 15-16 and I was getting profoundly high on a regular basis). She was in the hospital for a few days without me visiting her. At this point I was pretty numb. Finally I decided to visit her one evening, with my father enormously pregnant sister and my brother-in-law. She ended up dying that night.
After the wakes and the funeral and all that garbage, my father plans a Florida trip for us, over Easter break. While on vacation, staying with my Aunt and Uncle, my Aunt goes into the hospital and dies.
SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
Yeah, I was a fucked up kid.............or an especially efficient killer. Is seventeen years too long to still be whining about it?
So, that's what I think of when Valentines day comes around.
Anyway, hugs n' kisses everybody!!!!!!!!
posted by A.J. at Tuesday, February 14, 2006
5 Comments:
Wow. What a story. It was brave of you to tell it out here in the open.
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desparation."--Thoreau
That's the quote I had tacked to my bulletin board in High School, believe it or not.
On the bright side, you have much more than a tenous grasp of the English language.
Wow. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that when you were so young. I'm sure it was really rough to deal with.
I've recently come to the realization that the only person who will be with me my entire life is me. People come in and out of your life and that realization has made it easier to say goodbye.
I think valentine's day sucks too. Cheesiest day of the year.
*hugs*
hugs and kisses indeed... and to think i'm throwing a pity party on black tuesday because my ex dumped me on 2 separate v-days... ouch.
Wow, A.J. I couldn't imagine losing a parent let alone an aunt in the same month. Thank you for sharing, like l1 said, it's brave for you to tell it here.
*hugs*
L1 - Not so brave. Brave was my Dad who lost his wife and sister, and still had a dorky teenager to deal with. Besides, I'm an open book.
Wait a second. You like red wine, you quote the transcendentalists, AND you've been to the Warhol Museum?!? Are you real? I think I have a small crush on you.
Schmims - Everyone's got their own little hells to deal with, that I know. All things considered it made me a better person.
Randi - I love a good pity party
April - Not so much brave as honest. It's really a form of exceptionally cheap therapy
Thanks everyone. Hugs and backrubs (and I do give good ones. I have references) for all!
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